GIVEN: Now it is great that my dad was able to return to his normal life but now when he acts oddly, forgets, or just gets frustrated people don't understand why.
REVISION: Now, after miraculously returning to his normal life, when my dad acts oddly, forgets an obvious item, or simply grows frustrated, people do not understand.
GIVEN: First and foremost, my brother, who is 10 years
older than me. . . . Next is my long time best friend and childhood companion,
Eric.
REVISION: First and foremost, my brother, ten years my senior, influenced me tremendously. Next, my friend and childhood companion, Eric, brought other riches to my life, those that only a confident can bring.
GIVEN: Life is something that should be cherished and taken well care of.
REVISION:
GIVEN: Boys and girls of different colors and ages in front my introduction
, peer-pressure of being accepted crawling on the surface of my desires [IMPLIED
"TO BE." FRAGMENT].
REVISION:
GIVEN: Customer service is the name of the game and for someone like anonymous it is kind of difficult to see him doing what is expected. Not saying that he is such a quiet or reserved person that it is unimaginable that he could talk to customers, laugh and sometimes persuade them on what is the best dog or cat food for their pet. He is a quiet person, prefers to keep to himself.
REVISION:
GIVEN: The first big event which helped shaped my life was school, and of course the most fearful day of school was the first day in kindergarten, [run-on. Why?] the first day of kindergarten isn't the only new thing that day.
REVISION:
GIVEN: Monica is not only my best friend but she helped me realize I should
not be afraid to show who I really am.
REVISION
GIVEN: When I was about 3'5" I was the cutest little kid but I was scared of my own shadow. I was bashful and would play peek-a-boo behind my mother's legs.
REVISION:
GIVEN: His personality is spontaneous and yet complex. At one moment, he could be "on top of the world" and the next, "in your face" with obscene comments. One of his current interest in life is the competitive sport of anonymous. He is a card carrying USAAor United States Anonymous Association member.
REVISION:
GIVEN: What if my father got custody of me instead of my mom? What if they never divorced? There are no straight answers to any [either?] of these questions because there are endless amounts [number] of answers of what could happen.
REVISION:
GIVEN: She has instilled in me that without God first in your life there is
no purpose on going on in this life. In seeing my walk and talk [almost a
cliché] this way of life I know that this a relationship that will
always be apart [SP]of my life.
REVISION:
GIVEN: Only taking a few glances to see her, she sits there looking like the
world isn't good enough for her. In comparison to myself, with course, ratty,
ear-length hair, pimply, blotched skin, old T-shirt, with worn out jeans,
my thoughts were that I don't even deserve to be in the same presence of her.
REVISION:
